Charles of Foucauld was a passionate searcher for God after his conversion at 28 years of age. At around 15 years of age he had lost the faith and had a very disorderly youth. He was expelled from the Jesuit school for bad behavior, later was expelled from the Army for not respecting the military rules. He wasted his money on wine, women and parties, studied little and wandered without a goal in life. This lifestyle left him a deep emptiness. He says it in a meditation several years later remembering this stage of his life: “The bad that I did, I did not approve it, nor wanted it. It was a sadness that I have not experienced more than then. It returned every night when I was in my accommodation. I was dumb and overwhelmed during these so-called parties; I organized them, but, when the moment arrived I spend them in complete silence, loathing and disgust”
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